1. We have grease under our fingernails
2. We never ask for directions – getting lost is usually the point on a motorcycle
3. We always have helmet hair
4. Speeding tickets
5. Bonus at work? We’ll buy shiny bits for our bike instead of taking you on a romantic vacation
6. We crash. It’ll cost a small fortune to fix the bike, and you’ll have to help us in the bathroom until we get the screws out of our collarbone.
7. It’s perfectly natural to have a motorcycle parked in the living room
8. The way we look at our bike reminds you of the way we used to look at you
9. You’ll have to park your new car outside because the garage is full of bikes
10. There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness
11. We drive the same way we ride
12. We invite our biker friends over
13. The neighbors will come over to complain
14. If the weather is nice, we’re not home
15. We are depressed from November-March
16. Our idea of dressing up is putting on a clean black t-shirt
17. We spend more on tires than we spend on you
18. The bike gets washed and waxed twice a month. The car never.
19. We “need” a bunch of expensive riding gear, usually 2 or 3 of each item
20. We smell like leather and gasoline
21. From March until October is roadracing season. We’ll watch it all: races, qualifying, free practice, even testing.
22. Distractions while watching a race are not allowed
23. Can’t find us? We’re in the garage again. We live in the garage.
24. One bike is fine, but 5 bikes are better
25. Our idea of a date night is riding to a sleazy biker bar
26. The sound of a bike starting up is your morning alarm clock
27. We rev our engines when going under bridges
28. If another bike or car wants to race, you better hold on
29. We wake up at 4:00 AM to watch the MotoGP race in Australia
30. Yes, the bike gets a Christmas gift
31. You’ll have to help us with bike projects, because sometimes it takes 3 hands
32. You’ll have a burn mark or two from the exhaust
33. We’re covered in dead bugs
34. You’re covered in dead bugs
35. We have stupid looking tans from riding in sunglasses
36. We think leather bras are fine lingerie
37. We have no patience for bad drivers
38. Are you dating an adult or a 10 year old – you’ll wonder sometimes
39. If you take us to a winery, we’ll try to order a beer
40. The garage is decorated nicer than the house
41. Tattoos
42. Piercings
43. Chaps
44. Half gloves
45. Dew rags
46. You’ll have to come rescue us when we run out of gas on the other side of town
47. Spring fever starts in November
48. We buy batteries more often than flowers
49. The fridge in the garage is better stocked than the one in the house
50. You’ll wonder if “riding bitch” is a verb or a noun
51. We pay more for insurance than your car payment
52. No shave November applies all year
53. That’s not aftershave, it’s adrenaline and sweat
54. We have a $15,000 bike and drive a $500 pickup truck
55. We put the A in A-type personality
56. We think we’re a big deal
57. We wear our riding boots to church
58. Beer is the base of our food pyramid
59. Chicken wings and beer is fine dining
60. After a fight, we might grab our toothbrush and some underwear and disappear for 3 days
61. Everyone will start telling you stories of someone they knew who was disfigured in a motorcycle accident
62. Your family will be a worried wreck
63. We want to make anything with a motor go faster, including the lawn mower and blender
64. The passenger seat on the bike is a cruel after-thought, but we don’t wanna hear any complaining
65. We might pop a wheelie and almost dump you off the back of the bike
66. We decorate with racing posters and bikini calendars
67. We drag you to the motorcycle dealership weekly, so we can sit on every single bike
68. Our bike payment is more than the rent
69. We get 7 different motorcycle magazines a month
70. Please don’t talk to us for an hour after a new magazine arrives
71. Beer is a breakfast food
72. The only acceptable pizza is a meat lovers
73. We’ll have to go on every charity ride and poker run. It’s for the children.
74. Doubling the speed limit ain’t no thing
75. We’re closer to our riding buddies than our family
76. You’ll spend an hour scraping ice off your car in the winter because there’s no room in the garage
77. We have scars and talk about them proudly
78. You’ll have to learn to communicate with hand signals and pokes, because we can’t hear you back there
79. You’ll probably be cold, wet, and miserable on many rides
80. Your hair will be wrecked
81. You’ll have to spend a bunch of money on a jacket, riding boots, helmet and gloves. If we break up, at least you have a Halloween outfit.
82. We listen to loud, obnoxious music
83. Facial hair may get long enough to braid
84. The best t-shirt is a wet t-shirt
85. We’re always having an emotional affair with one of our bikes
86. If we sell a bike, we’ll be heartbroken and whiny until we get another one. Or two.
87. The bike gets more lustful looks than you do
88. “Doing the ton” is always cool
89. We think we are do-it-yourself types, even if we are no good at it
90. We still think burn-outs are cool
91. Our friends are as obnoxious as we are
92. “Ride the fender, honey” isn’t very endearing
93. Shiny things and loud noises get our blood pumping
94. Mufflers are optional
95. We have bugs in our teeth
96. “Get on, hold on, and shut up” is our idea of flirting
97. We take our clean bike to the bikini car wash
98. You say jello, we think wrestling
99. You already know the answer to the ultimatum “It’s me or the bike!”
100. Eventually, you’ll swallow a bug
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